Change is inevitable.

Change is an inevitable part of our life.  It happens whether we’re ready or not, sometimes it could happen at the times when we’re least ready for it. One of the secrets of living successfully is to learn to handle the changes we find coming our way.  It is possible to learn to set our sail so that the winds of change blow us in the direction we choose rather than onto the rocks.  

Most people like monotony in life, or let’s say they’re rather used to being comfortable with the same ol’ routine everyday. Who doesn’t? Oh, Cmon, that’s easier! But then for some changes are awaited, for those with dynamic personalities (well, personality is in itself dynamic) who are in need for constant change, find monotony boring. Well, someone like me, I would need some changes in life here and after all the time. Be prepared for a little but an interesting rant, about why changes are so important, it might change your perspective, you never know. 😉

Why I’m being so stubborn about the positive perception of change, is because it’s not always something detrimental, changes can equally be for one’s betterment. I want no other individual, but life to change me and make me a better person. I want none other but life to teach me lessons.

Positive changes are important, if not brought about in one way or the other could be dangerous for one. For example, an individual having social anxiety if keeps reassuring himself or herself about loving oneself and one’s company or embracing solitude and finding comfort in that he’d never be able to come out of it, only if he tries to bring in a change or try something new.

The root cause of most people to not accept changes readily is a ‘narrow mind’, or rather a conventional ideologist who keeps saying they’re the best until they die. It’s the entitlement one assumes internally and the assuming one’s opinions the most relevant which makes them oppose to changes and suggestions. It’s a cocktail of ego and conventionalism which makes people unacceptable to changes. Because they would be never in their unconscious aware of how positive changes could be at times. It’s the changing for the better rather than Changing oneself for others or society. They could mean two very different concepts.

There are mostly two types of changes, one which nature brings upon and nobody has a say on it, say death or a traumatising event, the other are those which we are capable to bring about and to adapt to changes as well. Both are necessary and essential, provided god has set somethings already for you, what happens, happens for the best. The negative one is the inflicted change we’re talking about, one to conform to societal norms and to be accepted, that’s the kind of a change we’d like to keep ourselves apart from. If the balance between the three is kept, the individual lives in harmony, and if one’s not they’ll stick with their perception of being the best. The characteristics of those people would be such as they would be entitled, rude, adamant and not at all flexible, irritable, challenging and difficult to deal with, not easy to convince, aggressive most of the times, and opinionated.

As we all are aware of the notion of imperfection, and that nobody’s perfect, changes brought about to elevate oneself and to be attuned with themselves better are necessary. Most of the great personalities go through a lot in life, which in turned changed themselves through the course and made them whatever they are now. They come out like fine grained wheat, capable of handling adversities in the face of life.

On top of that, self help books popularise the notion of NOT CHANGING ONESELF in whatever circumstances, and I can’t even comment more on how generalised shit it is. All they provide is just false reassurance, validation and made up acceptance which people have failed to get in real and are trying to seek it through a book which makes it even worse, because they generalise it and apply it without thinking once and for all! The primitive need of feeling secured and accepted is the one which makes them do it according to the human actualisation theory. Those are just money making gimmicks for naive people, the sooner you understand the better it is. It should be the experience which should preach and not just a man claiming they’re self made but are hiding their decks of money they just debited recently from their dad’s bank account and living through it

Sometimes changes are natural and then sometimes you’d have to out there in order to know yourself better, and time and situations would do their magic. Moreover personality is dynamic, no one person remains the same as they were born like. I was adamant about me being that way and not changing for good, but when I had to move places and when I struggled due to this I understood how much peer support as well as familial support is important. You CANT survive yourself, if I may say so. You will need people because we’re humans and not some enlightened godly creatures who can get away from it. Believe me when I say so I still Don’t like socialising but I’m changing for the good. People aren’t as bad as you think, it’s just that you haven’t met the right kind of people,you get to learn from everybody. And so as you teach and influence people for the better.

You might still have social anxiety, who knows? Sometimes I feel like I do too, but is it because I MYSELF have forced me to kept aloof from people just because my vehement thoughts ask me not to change? the answer is within you, but sometimes people bring out that for you easily. It’s not that people define you, you’ve already defined yourself as your ideal self. Now ask yourself, does it correspond with your real self?

This is something which I wrote to my friend, over which we were discussing about the changes in life.

We never know what’s right, or wrong in any situation except the ultimate reality (if you believe in) even that’s a question. The truth which seems so true can be misleading whereas the falsehood may hold truth which we never know now, but could be proved in the future. People have different ways of living and ethics and ideals, so different things work for different people. What I may apply on, wouldn’t necessarily work for you and vice versa. We’re all just like the sailors in a stormy sea with different strategies to survive.

Isolation leads you to deeper thinking. Although I have understood the importance of the people in my life and I spend time with them as much I run my daily hassles. I never realised how much important my friends were, and how much important friends are in general for an individual until I lived through not having a strong and deep relationship/friendship. If I have now, I say with that experience of how much stronger that makes me feel from inside. Its the bias ness towards each other which governs and directs our behaviour with everybody. It’s just that these behaviours and feelings are so mutual and ingrained in our unconscious that we’re most of the times unaware of it. But don’t let that bias ness in you not let deliver the actually reality (again there’s no reality just perspectives) so there’s this circular never ending cycle , but i believe dealing with such issues forthrightly and from conscience Is the best way to bring a solution.

The last suggestion is to have a dynamic for change—Jesus Christ.

Lastly, prepare for setbacks.  They will come.  If we are prepared for them, we will not be so easily discouraged by them.  Remember that everyone who accomplishes anything worthwhile experiences setbacks.  Life just seems to be designed that way.  And I think that is to keep the undeserving from getting the best life has to offer.  Those things are reserved for the ones who persevere and triumph. 

Happiness is a mirage.

Let’s start off by trying to define happiness in literal terms. According to some happiness would be chocolates or ice cream or good grades or just as simple as their parents!

But is it just that? Is happiness always measured tangibly? Is it always taken on face value? Is it that superficial?

The answer to all that is happiness is nothing but subjectivity. What might be making me happy as a person wouldn’t necessarily make another being happy. For example not every human associated with me would preferably like a hamster if I do or just get happy with a glimpse of it. Happiness is all about subjectivity, some people are contented and are happy with the least of the least such as food which is a basic necessity for humans, and some resent and are dissatisfied even with the most luxurious souvenirs possibly available to them.

Secondly, happiness isn’t actually a thing but just a state of transition from the adversities of life to the normal periods and subjective gains of people which makes them ‘happy’, it’s just a state of mind. People would be always happy or at peace if there weren’t any hardships to be faced by them. Just like there’s no rainbow without rain.

Thirdly, No one’s eternally happy or ever could be- those saints which portray to be, they’re just conditioned to think that they’ve attained nirvana and constantly force themselves that they’re happy and free from worldly pleasures, which in reality they’re just persistently repressing all their desires and negativity- from when a child takes birth till he/she dies they’re repeatedly facing miseries of life as of when a child doesn’t get milk they cry and as simple as it could be to not get sleep, and an oldie constantly in an irritable mood and troubled by the thoughts of death and illness until it drives them to the cemetery hopefully not being a victim of hypochondriasis.

So again, instead of whining for happiness all the time we should focus on the presence and our goals, not just those aims which are superficial and just provide temporary state of happiness. People should never run after that, people should run after those goals which would satiate and assure their long term happiness, like finding true love, or keeping one’s parents happy and respecting the ethics of life and following the path of servitude.

It’s always the circular never ending cycle of life which correlates with everything including happiness, I would have given a first hand experience but I’m not good with autobiographies, but life just shouldn’t be taken too seriously that we forget to live it, in midst of understanding it’s meaning and our existence, it’s just too dangerous a trap for humans who’re cajoled by it.

Happiness is just peace, in simple words. When a person feels himself or herself at peace they’re said to be happy, and vice versa. So instead we should go after attaining peace rather than happiness which is just an another synonym of it. Peace of mind, when attained, one could become a mahatma, meaning a great soul.

That is why meditation focuses on the mind and the peace of mind, Where it is like Mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master. If you’re in control of your mind you’ll never find yourself at a greater state of passiveness and peace of mind whereas when you fail to tame your mind, it takes over, your life and your emotions. Governing it in all the ways possible.

There’s a saying which goes like what you appreciate, appreciates ; and what you don’t appreciate, depreciates. According to Islam, kufr or ingratitude towards a thing or keep wanting for more and more and not appreciating positive aspects of oneself and the life, the ultimate reality might get angry and even take that away, whereas shukr or showing gratitude and counting the blessings, doubles it up.

So instead of finding for happiness in self help books, or reading 10 ways to be more happier instantly and doubting what’s wrong with oneself, try to help a person out everyday. Make it a goal to help anybody, at least one person, throughout the day in the easiest way possible if not in a considerable manner. That is to me the state of peace/happiness. And then don’t forget to do what you do and love it to the core, listening to your heart and taking a step towards controlling your mind!

Holy Love.

Among the clouds, where it’s deep, dark, and quiet is where my abode is.

Death is the only way to our reunion.

Or else, I could liberate you from the earthly vexation and haul you way higher than it could ever seem

Because my love, I’m an angel.

You ask me to materialise and sweep you off your feet.

But darling, you would have to wait and anticipate my arrival,

So that I’ll let you confess your sins and prove it to you that our love isn’t just mere.

So that I would tell you all about my past and the reason why I dwell in presence.

And I’ll try honey, to become your daydream in this world of nightmares.

But I’m confused, whether you’re a keeper or a player or even worthy of my love?

My love, so divine, is a lake of holy water,

In which I ask you to take a deep dive in and you’ll emerge victorious.

That’s how I became the mysterious angel, darling, your righteous love made me;

That mysterious angel you always dreamt of meeting.

But what if things won’t be as how you expected them to be

You will have to accept the fate or as you may call, the destiny.

Feelings extended as far as we’re not ready to let go of each other,

Come to the 21st era my beloved one, as they say we can Netflix and chill?

Or maybe end it to bed following with cigarettes?

-Sherebanu